IvanEwert.com

So bear with me.

It’s hot out today, over ninety-five degrees; but the lawn desperately needs mowing, I have no clean laundry, the garden has once again become the red line for feral and diarrhetic cats, and I’ve got a wedding to attend in the early afternoon.

I get the lawn mowed while laundry is in the works. Each pass with the tractor in the heat saps more of my already none-too good sense, especially as I am more interested in being done quickly than things like a hat, sunscreen, or hydration. Once this is done I go to the garage to gas up the mower.

The muddy clothes I wore to paintball last time – you know, June 5? About 42 days ago? Yeah, they’re still in a plastic sack in the garage. And have been all through this heat wave. Without ever being touched.

A common mind might wrinkle his nose and toss the bag, but I am mindful of my proud Scottish ancestors! Waste not, want not! A penny saved is a penny earned! Also, these are a pair of my better skivvies here! I can hose them off, scrape them down, then throw them in as a separate load of laundry!

This is where it gets harder to explain, but the following thoughts are important. Bear in mind that I am crazed with sun and heat.

1. I’m hot, sweaty, terribly sticky. I’m going to shower immediately. Off with the t-shirt.
2. Oh look, I’m wearing my good work belt. Silly me. Off with the belt.

So, I’m half-dressed and ready to hose down an entire suit of clothes in the yard.

NOW. The following are not thoughts, but things, which are equally important to know.

1. I’ve been better on my diet lately and have lost several pounds.
2. It’s laundry day. Certain articles of personal clothing may have been sacrificed until I am finished working and showering.

This is the bit where the laugh track gets uncomfortable, and rightly so; for the audience slowly realizes that a shirtless dude going commando in pants made for his previous size may experience certain issues.

What they may NOT realize is that, for maximum comedy potential, said issues will occur while hosing down a pair of mud-caked underwear in the yard.

I have personally done more today to lower property values than any of the local dealers. And in its own small way, that’s something of an achievement, don’t you think?

It’s difficult for me to allow time to simply sit and relax because my time tends to follow the laws of physics.

When I’m in motion, I tend to remain in motion. Whether that’s writing, reading, working in Photoshop, exercising, partying, whatever; left to my own devices I’ll just keep going until some outside force or commitment drives me to stop doing so. I can get a lot done in a short amount of time when I’m able to get myself going.

When I’m lost in some activity like that, I am truly relaxing. My brain turns off or switches channels and allows me to float around whatever it is I’m engaged in. The feeling of being completely in the moment and absorbed in what I’m doing is a blessing of the highest order.

The catch of that law is that, of course, when I’m at rest … nothing happens. Nothing. I remain at rest until there is some overwhelming reason to stop it. Watching television? Mark off the evening. I used to be able to count on waking up early and starting the day immediately; but of late, even waking up’s becoming a chore, much less getting out of the bedroom (the only air conditioned place in the house). If I sit down in the summer sun, there’s no budging me unless it’s bedtime or dinnertime. Even reading is a struggle then, because the temptation to just sit and do absolutely nothing at all overwhelms me.

That’s frightening to me. Maybe it’s normal and I just don’t recognize it in other people, but it feels absolutely maddening to me for the split-second before I can embrace the feeling of lassitude and sink into it. Making that active and mindful is the real key – choosing and deciding that enough has been done, or that I need the low-key, low-level time in order to recuperate from whatever I’ve driven myself into the ground for.

A good friend called me a type A personality last night. I never would have thought of that, but maybe it’s true. Who knows? What I do know is that it’s a quarter to ten and I have to get moving.