IvanEwert.com

Like most of us, I imagine, the internet has become one of my top three time-sucks. Between Facebook, Twitter, Livejournal, Bldgblog, and more webcomics than I can count, it’s remarkably easy for me to spend upwards of two hours a day marking my etheric territory – and that’s just on the things I consider to be a basic part of the day, not counting the wikipedic rabbit holes that carry me further and further away from real productivity.

Having made the lists of things I need to do, both for others and for myself, it’s more than clear that I’ll need those two hours a day back for a short period of time. It’s a sprint, more than anything; the web-centric version of a short-term cleansing program.

Unfortunately, two of the things I’ve already determined that I need to do for myself are: 

1. Write 250+ words a day, and
2. Spend more time writing on this blog.

Naturally, removing myself from the social sphere at the same time I’m trying to step up the amount of time I spend contributing to said sphere initially seemed pointless at best, callous at worst. If I’m speaking or writing, and people are being good enough to pay attention, think things over, and respond to me, what does it say when I withdraw from the two-way communication that is the theoretical reason for writing in the first place?

Oh, a good deal of this is selfish, or at least self-full. I’m not necessarily writing anything new or groundbreaking, and the main reason I’m doing it is to get more accustomed to what the folks over at Writing Excuses call “making the clackitty sound …” that is, getting my finely toned buttocks in the chair and getting used to putting words in order across the bright and merciless monitor. I’d be doing it right now even if I weren’t posting the pages to the blog, but it’s not as if I don’t keep a private journal as well.

That one, using pen and paper, averages two full pages a day – probably around my 250 mark already. Increasing that by leveraging the blog is a way to try to ensure that I’m both overachieving on my goals without much mental strain, and to make sure that at least some of what I write is about more than my plans for dinner and having the dream about the pickles again.

To that end … by writing in public, I’m working to be sure I have something that someone, somewhere, might actually find useful or entertaining to some degree. Naturally, I can’t know if that’s true or not without talking to and connecting with people – otherwise, it’s chattering into the dark, like the lemures of the Styx.

All of which is a fairly wordy way to say that I appreciate the comments people leave for me, and that if I’m not responding for the next week or so, you can be assured it’s only because I’m working to find more things to talk with you about on my return.

I’m having a morning in which I’m an absolute mess – a ball of anxiety and worry. I used to operate like this 24/7, and I’ll tell you, I don’t miss it for a second.

The bright side is that I know myself and my triggers well enough now to be able to identify what’s causing most of the concern.

1. Too much management, not enough motion. I’ve had to spend a lot more time shepherding projects along at the day job without actually doing anything manually to move the processes to completion. The same is somewhat true of the freelance work, where I can encourage people to give me content but can’t actually write or create it on their behalf. That frustrates me, because I really prefer getting into a project, finishing it quickly, and then moving on.
2. Too many ideas, not enough time. I’m exploding with ideas for stories, flash fiction, graphics and paintings. Too many of them to get any one of them actually done in a reasonable amount of time, especially given the time constraints listed above.
3. Lack of exercise and motion. I’ve been away from the gym for weeks now. It doesn’t actually help that people keep telling me I look like I’ve lost weight – what I think I’ve lost is muscle, but when people keep saying you look too thin it’s harder to make the workout a priority.
4.  Poor dietary choices. “Make good choices,” L and I say to each other, but I haven’t been. There are barbecues, parties, celebrations and reasons to dine out on every side of me, every day. I’m not complaining about this – the chance to see so many people and have such a good time is among the better parts of my life – but my lack of self-discipline in choosing what to eat and drink is really dragging me down energetically.
5. Relaxation vs. reality. This one will get a whole post of its own soon, but it comes down to choosing how to spend the free time I do have. I’m often questioned on why it’s so hard for me to just sit down and relax – the fact is that I recognize that when I spend too much time doing so, this anxiety is the equivalent of my hangover from excessive fun-time. I’d rather avoid that anxiety than spend the time ‘relaxing’ in the ways that most people recognize as relaxation.

So how do I fix this, and get back to my usual stance of breezy self-assurance?

Numbers one and two can be managed by lists – putting things that I want to do, need to do, and deadlines for both down on paper. This lets me actually track what’s happening in the real world, rather than looming over me as some amorphous mass.

Numbers three and four are down to me and down to re-establishing new routines that work. I can keep attending parties and cookouts as long as I pay more attention to breakfast and lunch choices, and knowing that the lack of exercise is making me crazy is a powerful motivator to get back to the gym.

As to number 5 – like I say, that’s a post for another day without any question. In the meantime, it’ll behoove me to find ways to distract myself from overwork or overplay. Balance may be the key, but it’s not something I’ve ever found that simple.

Announcing the Murder & Mayhem Tour for Seattle and San Francisco! While I won’t be a part of this tour, my dear friend (and gracious editor) Jennifer Brozek and the astoundingly talented Seanan McGuire will be appearing in your area soon!

Jennifer Brozek (Murder) and Seanan McGuire (Mayhem) are bringing frights and entertainment to the west coast for two days only. This free mini-tour features Jennifer’s newly released horror collection, IN A GILDED LIGHT: 105 TALES OF THE MACABRE, and Seanan’s Edge of Propinquity series, SPARROW HILL ROAD. Together, Murder and Mayhem will read excerpts from their fiction, tell tales out of school and generally have a good time.

SEATTLE
July 10, 2010, 6:30pm
Third Place Books
17171 Bothell Way NE
Lake Forest Park, WA
98155

SAN FRANCISCO
July 17, 2010, 3:00pm
Borderlands Books
866 Valencia St.
San Francisco CA
94110

Come out and enjoy the fun. Have your books signed and asked that question you’ve always wanted to ask. I hear there will be cupcakes, too.

Things I have done for the first time ever today:

1. Made homemade salsa.
2. Cut up a whole chicken.
3. Made a BBQ rub.
4. Made a BBQ mop sauce.

I love cooking. I love everything about it but the time it takes, and even with that time, I was able to read an entire Sunday Tribune outside while nursing a couple of beers. My viking ancestors warn people not to praise the day ere it is done, but I have to tell you, my weekend’s looking like one of the very best in years.